Being engaged WHILE being single

Long distance makes being engaged tricky. On one hand you’re in a beautifully committed relationship (sealed with a gorgeous ring) and on the other hand, you’re alone during the moments that count.

I’m a pro at being third wheel or fifth wheel. Mainly because I honestly don’t need a man by my side to be a complete human being and can mingle with couples like the best of them. But of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t miss Addison. Of course I do.

Earlier this month I was invited to a party. I was so excited to go until the host decided to mention– just as a helpful warning– that I will be the only one there without someone. Ok? I think I was aware of that possibility before going in on this. But now that YOU’VE said it, I’ll take it as a sign you don’t want the symmetry of your party to collapse by the awkward not-quite-single but not-quite-with-a-date girl in the corner. I promise, new friend. I truly am the life of the party. No need to throw a disclaimer in my face. I’m quite functional without my better half. SWEARS!

But I digress. It’s just a weird dynamic though. But seeing as I’m away from most of my friends except a few old ones who still live here, it’s been a good exercise in meeting people. And I’ve met a lot! However, this is the first time I’ve ever missed people. That may sound weird, but I’m truly one of those freaks who, while I truly love our friendship, I won’t really miss you because I know I’ll be seeing you again soon and because I’m having the time of my life wherever I currently am.

But no, I do miss all my friends in NC and especially, painfully so, my fiance Addison. But on the light side of this…I have a weird way of coping with missing people.

I eat the food that makes me think of them.

Yup, I take emotional eating to a whole new level. But I don’t do this weird thing too often. But for example, today I had moose tracks ice cream. I haven’t had ice cream in a while because I’ve been dieting and making Yonanas out of frozen fruit, but this weekend I was missing Addison more than usual. Probably from talking about him to complete strangers in Cali, but that’s a whole other story. But Moose Tracks is our favorite flavor. We used to sit in our PJs or sweats and eat it on the couch, straight from the carton (now you guys know why I gained 15 lbs dating this kid).

Chicken salad too. If I’m missing my college roommate and/or Addison, I whip out the chicken salad (though it’s not as good here, guys. Lame). Hannah and I would get lunch together at least 2-3 days a week most semesters and I always go the chicken salad on a salad. Occasionally I’d get a grilled cheese, but then she’d yell at me. I miss you, Hannah, and the way you watched out for my dietary needs. Best. Maid of Honor. Ever.

When I miss DeDee, I eat Little Ceasars pizza. For Megan, it’s cheese fries. Chinese food makes me think of Addison too (he had a penchant for China buffet and would always take me there for dates). Hush puppies make me think of Elizabeth and Hannah. Chicken tenders make me of the whole cookout gang– brother included.

And this is why I’m fat. Luckily, I’m not eating all this crap. But if I drive by a place with these foods, I do think of you all fondly and say a prayer. I know it’s a weird thing that I’ve associated memories/feelings toward people with food, but I think it’s the Italian in me. I spent so much time cooking for all my friends and going out with them, why wouldn’t these memories be associated with food?

But I ramble.

So why am I writing about weird third wheel scenarios and odd emotional eating habits? I’m not depressed. Nah. I still go out and have a grand ol’ time painting the town red. But I guess I’m realizing now, there are just some people in your life you truly can’t live with out. Sure you have to, but there will always be a whole in your heart for where they stood.


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