Being engaged WHILE being single

Long distance makes being engaged tricky. On one hand you’re in a beautifully committed relationship (sealed with a gorgeous ring) and on the other hand, you’re alone during the moments that count.

I’m a pro at being third wheel or fifth wheel. Mainly because I honestly don’t need a man by my side to be a complete human being and can mingle with couples like the best of them. But of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t miss Addison. Of course I do.

Earlier this month I was invited to a party. I was so excited to go until the host decided to mention– just as a helpful warning– that I will be the only one there without someone. Ok? I think I was aware of that possibility before going in on this. But now that YOU’VE said it, I’ll take it as a sign you don’t want the symmetry of your party to collapse by the awkward not-quite-single but not-quite-with-a-date girl in the corner. I promise, new friend. I truly am the life of the party. No need to throw a disclaimer in my face. I’m quite functional without my better half. SWEARS!

But I digress. It’s just a weird dynamic though. But seeing as I’m away from most of my friends except a few old ones who still live here, it’s been a good exercise in meeting people. And I’ve met a lot! However, this is the first time I’ve ever missed people. That may sound weird, but I’m truly one of those freaks who, while I truly love our friendship, I won’t really miss you because I know I’ll be seeing you again soon and because I’m having the time of my life wherever I currently am.

But no, I do miss all my friends in NC and especially, painfully so, my fiance Addison. But on the light side of this…I have a weird way of coping with missing people.

I eat the food that makes me think of them.

Yup, I take emotional eating to a whole new level. But I don’t do this weird thing too often. But for example, today I had moose tracks ice cream. I haven’t had ice cream in a while because I’ve been dieting and making Yonanas out of frozen fruit, but this weekend I was missing Addison more than usual. Probably from talking about him to complete strangers in Cali, but that’s a whole other story. But Moose Tracks is our favorite flavor. We used to sit in our PJs or sweats and eat it on the couch, straight from the carton (now you guys know why I gained 15 lbs dating this kid).

Chicken salad too. If I’m missing my college roommate and/or Addison, I whip out the chicken salad (though it’s not as good here, guys. Lame). Hannah and I would get lunch together at least 2-3 days a week most semesters and I always go the chicken salad on a salad. Occasionally I’d get a grilled cheese, but then she’d yell at me. I miss you, Hannah, and the way you watched out for my dietary needs. Best. Maid of Honor. Ever.

When I miss DeDee, I eat Little Ceasars pizza. For Megan, it’s cheese fries. Chinese food makes me think of Addison too (he had a penchant for China buffet and would always take me there for dates). Hush puppies make me think of Elizabeth and Hannah. Chicken tenders make me of the whole cookout gang– brother included.

And this is why I’m fat. Luckily, I’m not eating all this crap. But if I drive by a place with these foods, I do think of you all fondly and say a prayer. I know it’s a weird thing that I’ve associated memories/feelings toward people with food, but I think it’s the Italian in me. I spent so much time cooking for all my friends and going out with them, why wouldn’t these memories be associated with food?

But I ramble.

So why am I writing about weird third wheel scenarios and odd emotional eating habits? I’m not depressed. Nah. I still go out and have a grand ol’ time painting the town red. But I guess I’m realizing now, there are just some people in your life you truly can’t live with out. Sure you have to, but there will always be a whole in your heart for where they stood.

Bla-Bla-Blogging?

It’s been awhile. It’s my own fault, I know. The truth is, I haven’t be writing. At all….and by at all I mean all my writing is being channeled toward my new job which is not quite journalism but still a pretty awesome job I feel blessed to have. And I did land a super amazing gig with Engagement 101 magazine and WeddingDresses.com that I am on cloud 9 about. Seriously, people. It’s a dream come true. Plus the money from that is paying for practically our entire honeymoon (which will be most likely in Canada just FYI).

But I haven’t been blogging on any of my blogs or even privately journaling– though every second of every day is seriously just one big narrative in my head that I can’t wait to write down. Sometimes I even write the blog, but never click publish, so there’s a backlog of thoughts. So then why don’t I? I convinced myself it was because I’m still “adjusting” to moving here away from all my friends, getting used to living with my parents again (although SUPER temporary), and juggling Addi’s and my completely conflicting schedules. It’s just been tough and I don’t like sounding like a negative Nelly, I guess. There are enough people being emo on blogs out there. I don’t need to be one too.

But I’m done adjusting. I need to do what I love and what I love to do is not sitting around waiting for life to start back up again. I need to write again, even if that means I say too much about whatever. At one point I was advised not to write about our wedding anymore online, but what fun is that? At another point we were thinking about eloping or having a very intimate ceremony with just us and our parents. Wedding planning is just confusing… so it probably would do me some good to write about it here rather than spontaneously combust over piles and piles of wedding magazines, vendor contracts and emails.

I’m going to be testing out another diet for SELF magazine again supposedly. Should start this week if it does happen. So that’s a good kick in the pants I need. Plus I’ve made a handful of friends here that I’m growing to love more and more everyday.

No more waiting. No more blahing. I’m too bubbly to chill out like a normal adult. I tried. It’s lame. I know I’m not in college anymore, but I’m still going to put myself out there so I can discover new things.

Would love suggestions if you have any. At the top of my list is becoming an Olympic ice curling champion, but that may take years to cultivate my greatness.

Non-serious wedding dress shopping

Now, I’m not even technically engaged yet but good friend and future bridesmaid DeDee decided that it would be fun to look at dresses one day when we had around an hour before picking up some girlfriends for a wine tasting. We mainly checked out the discount/discontinued dress area for fun…. you know…the dresses that aren’t too expensive to touch lol. Besides, we weren’t actually looking for THE dress. Not yet anyway.

Well, I told DeDee that while I picked out a pretty dress, she could pick out an ugly dress for me to try on. I mean, why not? All in good fun, right?

Never ever give DeDee a challenge, people. She will ALWAYS rise to the occasion. She put me in the ugliest, creamiest colored, long-sleeved lace 80s dress I’ve ever seen. The train covered practically the whole store’s floor. Of course just then the consultant walked up and stopped dead in her tracks.

Needless to say, I looked like a fat Princess Diana. I looked huge and fluffy. Now not only do I know I don’t want a poofy dress with a cathedral train, I also know that I want to lose some poundage before the big day.

But it was a fun experience nonetheless. Can’t wait for the real go with my mama.

The Perfect Wedding?

The other day, my roommate and I were flipping channels when we came across “Bridalplasty.” Haven’t heard of it? Oh, it’s a piece of work- in more ways than one.

Basically a bunch of future brides (and some already married girls who didn’t get their ideal wedding) are competing for plastic surgery and a celebrity-style wedding. Each week they compete for different procedures of plastic surgery off their wish lists (yes…these girls have LISTS of what they want snipped, tucked, and tweaked). And of course, they eliminate a girl each week until there is one bride left who gets the ultimate prize: The wedding of her dreams and her ENTIRE wish list of plastic surgery.

To me, it’s a little bizarre, so of course I watched two back-to-back episodes. What horrified me though was they said to the girls they kicked off: “Your wedding will still go on; it just may not be perfect.”

UM….WHAT?! Hello, I’m sorry, but what an awful thing to say to anyone. And how does plastic surgery make your wedding perfect?

This got me thinking…what does make a perfect wedding? So, I made a list of the top 5 things your wedding needs in order to be “perfect.” And no, plastic surgery is not a requirement.

1) You get married

I mean really… if at the end of your wedding, this one thing does not get accomplished, I think you may be allowed to say your wedding wasn’t perfect.

2) You get married to a guy you actually like and hopefully love

I say it’s a win if you can go home after all the festivities and not think: “Dear God, what have I done??”

3) No one dies

I’ve heard of this happening…and I can’t imagine anything worse. If everyone gets through my big day alive and in one piece, I’m going to count my blessings.

4) You’re able to ignore the family drama

Let’s face it, there will ALWAYS be drama in some way, shape, or form if you get the entire family together. If you can ignore other people and focus on yourself and your new spouse, then your wedding is far beyond perfect.

5) You end the day happy

I’m a firm believer that happiness is a choice. So this one should be a gimme because I can’t imagine a bride choosing to be unhappy on her wedding day, but unfortunately bridezillas have taken over the world and our TVs. So skip the pity parties. Who cares that there was some mix-up or that you had to be flexible? Just be happy and everything else will follow.